


My Hands Pressed To Your Cheek

by goddess_julie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-25
Updated: 2014-11-25
Packaged: 2018-02-26 22:46:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2669213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddess_julie/pseuds/goddess_julie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four months ago Louis left London and Harry to do work for his company in one of their American offices.  They made no promises and agreed to see what would happen.  Louis slowly stopped calling and writing to the point of radio silence.  Harry doesn't know what he's done but knows that it's just him that hasn't heard from Louis in 6 weeks.  Until Louis all of a sudden shows up at his flat to visit Harry's flatmate Zayn.  Harry doesn't know why he's back, how long he's staying or who this new bloke Liam Payne is.  All he does know is that if he thought things were bad while Louis was gone, it's even worse now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Hands Pressed To Your Cheek

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a completely different fic with different pairings and a different ending. And this happened.
> 
> Any/all feedback is welcome and appreciated.

“Ten Hail Mary’s and an Act of Contrition.”

It’s not the words that have Harry stopping in his tracks. It’s more of the cackle that follows after. He looks into the kitchen and lays his gaze on someone who he hasn’t seen for over four months. Emails and texts came regularly for the first few weeks, and then it took a little longer for a response. And then a little longer. And then finally he’d gotten a message in the middle of the night a few weeks ago, obviously done when Louis knew he’d be asleep and have his phone off. That was the last he’d heard from the other lad.

Until now, where he stood casually, legs crossed as he leaned back against the counter next to the stove. Drinking a beer with Zayn who Harry knew had heard from Louis daily. It had really just been Harry who had been cut from their friend’s life. Harry hadn’t realized just how angry it made him until that moment when his eyes narrowed just at the carefree smile on Louis’ face and the way he was comfortable in Harry’s flat. Without even telling Harry he was coming back let alone when.

It’s a testament to all of the yoga Harry does that he allows himself a few calming breaths. He feels his heart realign as he presses the anger down and out with each exhale. The smile is tighter than he’d like but it doesn’t matter, he’ll be by them and out the door in a few steps. Harry silently makes his way to the door only making noise once he’s got a clear view of the hallway.

“Zee, don’t know when I’ll be back. Meeting Grimmy for a bit after my shift, might just kip there. Don’t worry about me, mate.”

It’s weak and cowardly but Harry can’t find it in himself to be ashamed of it. He was given absolutely no warning from anyone that Louis was coming back and he’s allowed to give himself enough time to properly devise a game plan of how he wants to deal with it. With Louis.

“Harry,” Zayn calls from the kitchen. “Wait…”

“No time Zee. See you whenever.” The sharp slam of the door isn’t an accident. It’s more of a statement that he hopes Zayn catches. Harry will admit that he’s proud not to have looked up at their apartment window as he heads towards the tube. He wants to, wants to see if either of them have even bothered to look down at him, if Louis watched him walk away like he’d done months earlier. But while he doesn’t have much pride left in him where the other lad is concerned, he has some.

There are three notifications when he exits the tube at the stop where he works. He fights his conscience not to check but curiosity wins out. The first is from Nick. He has a work function at the BBC that he has to attend but should be able to sneak out around the time that Harry will be done work and will swing by to pick him up. They can grab a bite before heading back to his. 

It’s not the first time Harry has wished he’d fallen in love with Nick Grimshaw. He sends a series of emoticons back and laughs when he gets a thumbs up in return from Nick. 

The next message is Zayn. Harry feels his stomach churn as he opens it. There are only three words.

“I can explain.”

Harry sighs and walks into the pub he’d managed to get a job bartending at a few nights a week. He doesn’t necessarily need the money, but he likes the social aspect of it. And mostly he realized how much free time he had once Louis had gone, and he needed something to fill the time so he didn’t go stir crazy. 

A friend of his owned the pub, as it was left to him from an aging uncle that couldn’t run the business any longer. Niall had been working in the pub since he’d been old enough to be taught how to draw the perfect pint of Guinness so it had been an effortless shift from uncle to nephew. Niall and Harry had known each other through mutual friends and one night when Harry had stopped in after work for a pint, Niall confessed that he could use some help behind the bar some nights while he and his friends played music on the small stage. 

Harry admitted that he needed something to do a few nights a week so that he didn’t drive himself crazy and that was that. Sometimes Niall convinced Harry to go up on stage for a few songs, most nights he just sat behind the bar, pouring pints and making mixed drinks to Londoners who wanted somewhere comfortable to eat, drink and relax.

He’s broken the third pint glass of the night when Niall tells him to sit down for a few minutes. Harry sighs and pulls up a stool. His face is in his hands and he frowns as Niall slides a pint in front of him. “I’m sorry,” Harry groans. 

Niall only shakes his head. “You look like you need this, mate.”

It’s a Tuesday night, which is generally not as busy and gives Niall time to work in the office rather than behind the bar. He tells this to Harry when he tries to stand up and argue that he’s fine.

“Clearly not fine,” Niall argues. He tries to look stern but only ends up making them both break out into laughter. Harry takes a healthy drink from his glass and once again rests his head in his hands.

“Louis is back.” Niall is probably the only one that Harry has been completely honest about Louis with. He’s claimed to be fine, claimed to understand that Louis is busy and that no promises were made upon his departure. But it has been all lies and Harry had been broken down by Niall’s charm almost instantly and confessed every insecurity, every piece of anger and betrayal that he’d felt. 

The betrayal had gone beyond Louis to Zayn and while Harry wasn’t particularly proud of that, he’d felt as though Zayn had chosen sides and it hadn’t been his. 

Harry’s eyes meet Niall’s and he sees understanding in their blue depths.

“You’re sure?”

He gives a nod. “Was leaving to come here, he was in the kitchen with Zee having a beer.”

“Did you say anything?” 

“No.”

“Did they?”

Harry shrugs. “Didn’t give them the chance. Ran. Got a text from Zee.” He hands over his phone to Niall who looks at it and chuckles. Harry figures Niall has read his response to Zayn.

“I’m impressed,” Niall admits as he hands Harry back his phone. 

Harry rereads his message and allows himself a small smile. “If I don’t want an excuse from him, I sure as fuck don’t want one from you.”

“I think I was a little harsh,” he admits softly. The smile drops from his lips and he feels a familiar sinking in his stomach. He looks up at Niall who is shaking his head sadly. 

It’s a conversation they’ve had over and over again. Niall continues to insist that Harry has every right to feel betrayed and upset by the situation and Harry argues that it’s his own fault for letting himself fall too far when he knew how it was all going to end anyways.

Harry still hasn’t read the third text he’d received and he’s not sure he will. What he wants to do is just delete it without reading but knows that the regret of doing it will outweigh the regret he’ll feel if he doesn’t. 

The rest of the night is spent behind the bar. Once he’d finished his pint, Harry felt ready to be productive and actually make Niall money rather than lose it for him. He spent the majority of the night worried that Zayn and Louis would come in to visit him and couldn’t understand why he’d been disappointed when they didn’t. Niall was long since ready to see the back of him by the time Nick stopped by to pick him up to take him home.

“Please do something about him,” Niall jokes as Nick offers his hand to shake and is pulled in for a warm hug. Nick focuses his attention on Harry, his eyes immediately going soft as he frowns to show his concern.

“What’s wrong, poppet? Did you find out your free trade coffee is really mass marketed lower class not free trade coffee?”

“That was a serious concern Nick!” Harry whines out a laugh. 

“But seriously, what’s wrong?”

Harry refuses to speak. He makes his way back into the office to pull his jacket off of his hook and wraps his bag over his shoulder. When he rejoins his friends at the bar, he sees Niall and Nick engaged in a hushed conversation.

They both stop talking when he approaches and Harry knows instantly they’re both talking about him and he’s unsure if it’s good or not.

“When did the demon get back?” Nick asks with a sneer. Niall covers his smile with his hand and bids his goodnight. Harry wants to yell at Niall but he knows he can’t. No one can be mad at Niall, and if they are, they don’t stay that way. He’s too nice to really do anything to make you hate him.

Harry sighs. “He’s not a demon.”

“When was the last you heard from him?”

“Few weeks ago.”

“And?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. If you’re going to be a twat, I’ll just go somewhere else.”

“You can’t go home?” Nick frowns when Harry shakes his head. “He was there. You think he might still be?”

“Don’t want to risk it. Don’t want to see Zee.”

Harry holds his breath and is relieved when Nick doesn’t continue speaking. He only grabs Harry’s hand in his own and leads him out the door to his car which is parked up the street. They stop to pick up some take away and are back at Nick’s before Harry can even think about the implications of any of the day’s events. 

He doesn’t know why Louis is back. If he’s back for good. If he isn’t, how long.

Over four months ago, Louis had been given an opportunity to do consultation work in New York. He’d been excited for the opportunity and while they were in the beginning stages of their relationship, both had decided to just see how things went.

Louis might have decided to stay in New York full time if the job worked out and he liked it. He might have decided to come back. But there were no promises made. Neither wanted to hold the other back but both had admitted that they weren’t looking for anyone else in the interim. 

Harry had been confident that the potential of what they could have would be enough to get them through anything. Louis confessed he felt the same way, but it was Louis who slowly began to pull away. Harry had been left only with confusion and a lack of closure.

The flat is silent when Harry makes it back home the next day. He holds his breath for a few seconds before turning the key and is relieved when he finds the living room and kitchen blissfully empty. There is music coming from Zayn’s bedroom and he heads to his own room to change into something more comfortable and start to make something for his dinner. There are a number of leftover food containers and Harry is once again relieved he chose to stay with Nick last night rather than come home. It provided him with the time he needed to really think about how he is feeling and what exactly he wants to do about this situation. He doesn’t think that Zayn wanted to hurt him intentionally, but Harry can’t understand how his friend couldn’t foresee how it would hurt him and that in itself stings.

If anything, Harry is more disappointed in himself than anyone. Louis made no promises and Zayn owes him nothing. If he’s hurt it’s because he’s let them hurt him and he doesn’t want his own happiness to be dependent on other people. Whatever this is has affected his friendship with Louis, he doesn’t want it to affect it with Zayn if he can help it. 

“You’re home,” Zayn’s voice is soft in the otherwise silent flat. Harry looks over from the stove and offers a genuine smile. 

“Yeah, you hungry?” Harry nods to the pan he’s currently using to fry up his dinner and refuses to let the smile fall from his face when Zayn shakes his head. 

“Got left overs.” He pulls cartons out of the fridge and piles them on a plate. Harry can’t remember the last time things were this tense between them. Before he can speak, Zayn has opened his mouth again. “About yesterday.”

“Don’t worry about it Zee,” Harry cuts him off. Their eyes meet and he sees something flash in the depth of Zayn’s chocolate gaze. “I’m serious, don’t worry about it.”

“But?”

“No buts,” Harry pulls a plate out of the cupboard and slides his pasta on with practiced ease. “It’s fine. He’s back, you guys were hanging out. I had to go to work. It wasn’t more than that.”

Harry knows Zayn doesn’t believe him. He knows but he doesn’t care. It’s not Zayn’s place to decide what Harry feels or thinks. With a pointed stare Harry challenges Zayn to speak. A smile decorates his lips when he doesn’t. The pasta is warm in his stomach as he sits in the couch to watch television. Zayn had joined him for a few moments but had retreated back to his room when there was an echo from his laptop. By the time Zayn emerges once more, Harry has washed his dishes and is back on the couch, flipping through his Instagram on his phone as he listens to the television in the background. It only takes a glance from his screen to know that Zayn is dressed to go out.

He’s not even surprised when an invite isn’t forthcoming. Zayn flashes him an awkward smile and tells him he’ll see him later. Harry doubts it but he only smiles and tells Zayn to have a good night out.

The week passes similarily. Things are awkward at best between Harry and Zayn. They don’t speak of Louis and Harry doesn’t see him again until Saturday afternoon when he comes back from the gym to change before he heads down to the pub. Louis is sitting in his living room. On HIS couch. With HIS best friend. There is someone else there that he doesn’t recognize but Harry gives them all a short hello and nod before he’s headed into his bedroom to grab his clothes. When he cuts through their little party to make his way to the bathroom Zayn calls him into the living room. Harry swallows down his fury and forces a smile onto his face.

“Yeah?” His voice is sharper than he’d intended. He ignores the tension in the room and stares at Zayn. He’s trying to convey is disbelief that Zayn is prolonging this torture and judging from the way Zayn diverts his gaze and blushes, Harry knows he’s succeeded. “Zayn? What did you need?”

“Hi, I’m Liam.” The stranger says with a warm smile when the silence has become unbearable. Harry doesn’t mean to stare at him, but he can’t help the way his eyebrows furrow and his jaw drops in shock at how Louis is studiously ignoring him and Zayn has suddenly gone mute.

“I’m sure you are,” Harry is frustrated and he doesn’t have the time or the patience for this. He sighs and shakes his head, ashamed of himself. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I’m Harry.” He doesn’t accept the offered hand as Liam stands up, instead Harry turns to Zayn.

“I’m going to be late. Is there a reason you’ve decided to make me suffer like this or can I go grab my shower now?”

“I hardly think that’s polite.” Louis’ voice is low, barely audible. It’s not malicious but not friendly either. Harry notices that he still hasn’t even looked up at Harry and he barks out a sarcastic laugh.

“So that’s my answer.” Harry rubs his face with the hand not holding his clothes and he sighs. “Liam, nice to meet you. Louis, have a great flight back. Zayn, go fuck yourself.” He heads in the direction of the bathroom and steps in. Harry doesn’t slam the door like he wants to. He needs to be more mature than that, bigger than whatever this is. By the time he’s finished his shower and has calmed his nerves, Harry is ready to step back out into whatever he’s bound to be met with. 

It’s a surprise to see Liam sitting nervously on the couch alone. The kitchen is empty, Zayn’s bedroom door is open and it’s clear that they’ve left Liam sitting here alone while Harry showered. Harry is confused.

“Where did they go?”

Liam jumps a foot in the air at Harry’s voice. His eyes are wide and Harry feels bad for the other lad. It’s clear that something is going on and Liam feels just as out of place as he does.

“Ummm Zayn had to talk to Lou ‘bout something. Said they couldn’t do it here.” Liam’s awkward shrug is Harry’s last straw. He has to fight the urge to take it out on Liam. He doesn’t even know this bloke and it’s clear that whatever is going on is a mystery to him as well. If he wasn’t so angry, Harry would feel bad for him.

“Fuck. They didn’t have to leave, I was going to be gone soon anyways. Zayn knows I work and you’d all have the flat to yourself anyways.” Harry storms into his bedroom and grabs his bag and wallet. He tugs his jacket on angrily and runs his fingers through his hair before sliding a headband to hold the curls back. When he gets to the door to the flat he turns around. “Help yourself to whatever you want in the fridge. If you’re gonna steal shit, make sure it’s from Zee’s room. I’m sure it would have been nice meeting you Liam but I have to get to work and this is literally the last place on earth I want to be right now.”

He hears Liam’s soft chuckle and “me too, mate” as he shuts the door behind him.

The bar is nearly at full capacity. Niall has just finished their first set and has assured the crowd that after they take a much needed break, they’ll be back to perform again. This time with a very single and very talented Harry Styles joining them.

The cheer from the crowd has Harry blushing and giving Niall the finger. Niall retaliates with another announcement.

“And when we say single ladies and gents, we mean open to blokes and birds. So how about we help mend this boy’s broken heart and show him a good time. All applicants welcome.”

Niall’s eyes are twinkling when he returns to the bar. It’s only partially due to the beer he’s already drank tonight, but also because Harry is grinning at him. It’s a genuine smile and knowing how tense he’d been when he arrived at the pub earlier that afternoon, Harry considered that Niall’s ability to make him forget everything outside of this room as nothing short of a miracle.

“You are incorrigible Niall Horan,” Harry laughs fondly. He leans in to speak directly into the blonde’s ear. “You know I don’t have a broken heart though, right?”

Niall pulls back, obviously confused. “The fuck you don’t.” 

Harry frowns, he doesn’t know how to explain it. “It’s not about that. Or it’s not ONLY about that. It’s not that I’m in love with him and it’s over. It’s just that he doesn’t even care about me. Neither of them do. We were friends before anything, and I didn’t just lose my friend when he stopped talking to me, I’ve now lost my best friend too.” He feels himself being pulled in to a tight embrace by Niall.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t get a pity shag for it though.” He cackles loudly when Harry bursts into laughter. “That’s my boy.” Niall grabs Harry’s arm and leads him towards the stage. Before they make it, he pulls Harry down the hallway to his office and stares at him with a much more serious look than Harry thought was possible, especially when Niall had been drinking.

“You sure you’re not in love with him? I mean, it’s okay if you are.”

Harry shrugs. “I thought I was getting there. And then when he’d first gone to New York I thought we could really make it work. And then it didn’t. I’m pissed, because why the fuck did he need to just cut me out entirely? And why be so sneaky about it? And Zee. God, he knows how fucking torn up I am about the fact that Louis just stopped all contact with me. Didn’t even tell me why, like I did something and I don’t even know it. But I’m not worth telling why, you know?”

“You deserve so much better than that, Haz.” Niall says fiercely. 

Harry feels a nervous churning in his stomach. He looks at Niall, really looks at him and sees this man who in the past couple months come to be so important to him. There is a spark between them, a connection that Harry had up until now, just taken for granted. Suddenly, he needs Niall to know that while it is a clusterfuck of emotions where Louis is concerned, he’s not pining and he’s not in love with him. Niall only shakes his head.

“You might not think so,” Niall is smiling at him, his lips curled so perfectly. Harry wants to lean down to kiss him but holds himself back. “But I’ve just spent the last few months listening to you cry about another bloke. And I know it wasn’t more than a missed opportunity and bad timing, but it was still important. It IS still important.”

“Niall,” Harry whispers softly.

“Haz, it’s okay. I’ve been here this whole time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Harry feels something in his chest unfurl. He feels victorious when Niall lets himself be pulled into Harry’s arms. They fit together perfectly, much more so than he’d ever realized before. 

“You owe me a song, Haz. Not getting out of it.” Niall tugs Harry back through the pub towards the stage where the rest of his band are waiting, playing covers of songs that people are requesting. A round of applause and shrill screams echo through the room as they both climb the stairs. Harry blushes at the catcalls that greet him.

Somehow, with a massive amount of cajoling, Harry ends up doing the entire set with the band. He’s heard the songs enough both when they perform and when they practice, that he’s familiar with all of the songs of their set. And with Niall’s continual reminder that Harry’s looking to mend a broken heart, he’s plied with shots and drinks all night until he can barely stand.

“Hey. Now I don’t want to fuck up my chances here,” Niall groans against Harry’s jaw playfully, “but there is a bloke at the end of the counter that even I’d take home and shag six ways to Sunday right now.”

Harry’s not sure if he’s offended that Niall’s looking for guys for him, or is admitting that Harry is so easy to cast aside. He looks at the blonde and can’t help but laugh at the way he’s practically drooling all over himself. Niall wiggles his eyebrows suggestively as he makes a few lewd hand motions. When he turns around to look at this guy who has Niall all turned out, he groans and bangs his head on the bar.

“What?” Niall asks with a pout. “Already shag him? An ex?”

Harry can’t stop the laughter that breaks from his throat. “Niall?” The blonde nods. “That’s Zayn.” He watches Niall’s eyes bug out and his jaw drop. As much as Zayn has heard Harry speak about Niall and vice versa, they have never officially met. Niall’s shock is hilarious to Harry who can’t stop laughing.

“You live with HIM?” Niall squeaks. “Like, live together? Sleep in rooms next to each other? You’re in the apartment when he’s naked and…” 

Harry catches Zayn’s eye and waves him over. He sees the uncertainty in Zayn’s face, the nervousness he is so clearly displaying. Zayn takes a few moments to gather himself together before heading over.

Niall groans. “Oh god. Now I look like a total twat. Of course, I’m sure Louis is probably gorgeous too?”

Harry pulls his iPhone out of his pocket and flips through his photo album. He brings up a picture of Louis and shows Niall who groans louder as he grabs onto Harry for support. 

“Is there anyone in your clique that isn’t a model?”

Harry shrugs. “You’ve met Grimmy.” They both break into hysterics. 

“So Grimmy and me then.”

Harry slaps Niall’s shoulder sharply, a stern expression on his face. “You’re gorgeous Horan, don’t even pretend you’re not.”

“You’re being kind.” Niall whispers at Zayn approaches. “You live with that beauty, obviously your eyes have been scorched from the heat.”

Harry is far too drunk to continue this conversation. He grins at Zayn and pulls him close. “Zee, this is Niall. Nialler, this is my flatmate Zayn.”

Zayn holds his hand to shake and Niall whimpers. Harry snorts and pokes Niall playfully.

“You’re embarrassing both of us.”

“I’m okay with that.” 

Harry rolls his eyes and focuses back on Zayn. “Is everything okay? Why are you here?” He doesn’t expect for Zayn to shake his head.

“No. Things aren’t okay, Haz.” His eyes flicker around the room. Harry has never seen Zayn look this uncomfortable. Everything that has happened in the past few weeks disappears and Harry steps in to pull Zayn close. 

“What’s wrong? What can I do?”

Zayn blinks back tears and Harry watches him give a self-deprecating laugh. “I’m a twat and you’re asking what you can do.” He looks at Niall, shrinking under the blonde’s scrutinizing glare.

“How much longer are you here?” He asks. Harry looks at Niall who nods his head in the direction of the door.

“Can go now.”

“Can we go home? I just… I miss you Haz. And we need to talk. I’m so fucking sorry. So fucking sorry.”

Harry agrees and lets him know he’ll meet him at the car. He has to grab his things and say goodnight to a few people. Zayn nods and heads towards the exit. When they’re alone, Harry pulls Niall in and kisses his mouth softly.

“Go easy on him,” Niall asks as he pulls away. “Maybe he just didn’t see what was going on around him.”

Harry wants to argue but as he looks down at Niall he knows that the blonde is right. He had no idea that this was even a possibility, that Niall was even an option for him and now that his eyes have been opened, he sees so much that he’d missed.

“You’re right.”

Niall blushes. “I know.” He leans up and kisses Harry’s cheek softly. When he pulls away he says, “Call me tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

It’s not until they’ve gotten home and Harry has showered and is curled up on one end of the couch that Zayn allows himself to breathe properly. They’re both anxious and Harry focuses on Niall’s voice in his ear. He knows Zayn is one of his best friends. He knows that whatever has been going on is affecting him too and Harry has to fight to remember that Zayn’s not the enemy, no matter how easy that would make things.

“You didn’t know he was coming home did you?”

Harry shakes his head.

“He didn’t tell you anything?”

Harry shakes his head again, this time it’s accompanied by a shrug.

“When was the last time you spoke to him?”

“Today. Told him to have a nice flight back.” Harry shrinks in on himself at the glare that Zayn shoots him. He sighs. “Bout two and a half months ago? He’d been there for about 6 weeks at the time I think. Everything was good till it wasn’t. One day I get a few texts, the next nothing.”

“Fuck.” Zayn swears angrily.

“I got a voice mail about a month ago. He left it overnight so I got it when I woke up. He was drunk, rambling about something or another. I called the next day and well I’m still waiting for a call back.”

“I didn’t know,” Zayn admits. He is a cross between angry and sad. Harry hates that Zayn has been brought into something that has nothing to do with him. “I still heard from him at least every other day. Emails or texts or whatever. I assumed you were too.”

“I told you I hadn’t heard from him,” Harry argues. “You said he was just busy.”

“I thought … I don’t know.” Zayn admits sadly. “You didn’t say anything else about it and I figured that you were hearing from him. That he was updating you on his life. As close as he and I are, you guys are closer. You were moving on so…”

“I wasn’t,” Harry admits softly. He’s sobering up relatively fast with the heaviness of this conversation. “I mean, him coming back has expedited the moving on process, but I wasn’t. I hadn’t really. Any moving on really started that day when he was in the kitchen. ”

Zayn’s eyes widen and Harry watches the colour drain from his face. “So you didn’t know about him and Liam?”

It’s impressive how well Harry schools his facial features. He swallows down the bile in his throat and picture’s Niall’s smiling face. He gives a shake of his head sadly.

“Not till right now.”

“Fuck.”

“I think it’s long past time I go to bed.” Harry stands up and stretches the kinks from his back and neck. He ignores Zayn’s pleas, how he calls his name and says his goodnight as he walks into his room. He’s asleep seconds after his head hits the pillow.

There is a note on the counter when Harry pulls himself out of bed in the morning. Zayn has taken the train home for a few days. He knows that they still need to talk, but he can’t bear to face Harry at the moment after everything that’s happened, how horrible a friend he’s been. Harry sends off a text telling Zayn he’s a massive twat for thinking that he’s to blame for everything that’s happened and when he returns Harry promises to show him just how stupid he is.

Harry knows it’s more to do with Zayn needing time to forgive himself than anything.

“You’ll always be my best mate, Zee,” Harry texts. “Nothing is going to change that.” Zayn sends a crying emoji back and Harry knows they’ll be just fine.

It’s halfway through Hollyoaks that there is a knock on the door. Harry groans as he gets up to answer, wishing Zayn was here if not so he wouldn’t have to move. The last person he’s expecting to find on the other side of the door is Louis.

Louis looks like he hasn’t slept. Or showered. And has spent an indeterminable time crying. If anything, Harry is confused at his presence. He doesn’t move to let Louis in, but is at a loss for words. 

“I was hoping to talk to my best friend,” Louis finally says, voice timid and trembling. Harry frowns and offers an apologetic wince.

“Zee went home for a few days. He’s got his phone, so you could probably call him.”

Tears start falling from the corners of Louis’ eyes and he begins to hiccup, as though he’s trying to swallow his sobs.

Harry has no idea what to do with this so he looks around in a panic. He grabs a box of Kleenex from the table near the door and thrusts it at Louis.

“He’ll be back in a few days Lou.” Harry’s chest is hurting from the vision of Louis so defeated and broken in front of him. “Whatever it is should be okay till then?”

Louis shakes his head and wipes at his eyes blindly. “No, don’t want Zayn.” He says through his tears. “I need my best friend Hazza. I don’t know what to do.”

It’s been so long since Harry has heard Louis refer to him as his best friend that Harry’s heart stutters at his words. He pulls Louis into the apartment and is nearly knocked over when the smaller lad throws himself at Harry, wrapping his arms around his waist in an iron clad grip.

“I’m so sorry Harry. God, I’ve fucked everything up. I don’t know who to turn to. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do?”

“Lou, just call Zee. I’m sure everything is fine.”

Louis shakes his head and cries harder.

“Then call Liam. I’m sure he’ll know what to do.”

“I’ve lost everyone,” Louis admits through his sobs. “All my fault.”

With a sigh, Harry stands up. He wraps a blanket around Louis’ shoulders and tells him to stay put, that he’ll be right back. He’s made them both a cuppa and by the time he returns to the living room where Louis is curled up on the couch, the smaller man has stopped crying.

“Do you want to tell me what this is about Lou?” Harry asks. Never in his life has he seen Louis this shaken up about anything. He’s quite afraid and while he is in the kitchen, he texts Niall for some advice. Niall suggests he just listen and see if they both can work on issues they are obviously having.

“I’m sorry,” Louis apologizes immediately. “God, I am so fucking sorry. You know that right?”

“I don’t think I know anything, if I’m being honest.” Harry needs to be honest, for both of their sakes. “I know I’m confused at what I did to make you stop talking to me. Why you had to cut me right out of your life. I think that’s all I know.”

He watches as Louis curls into himself. Harry wants to reach out but doesn’t.

“I thought it would be better.”

“For who?”

Louis shrugs. “Both of us. I felt guilty for having so much fun in New York. For meeting other people. For realizing that maybe we aren’t meant to be more than just best friends. I didn’t know how to tell you, so I thought that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have to.”

“How did that work out for you Louis? Because it fucking sucked for me,” Harry admits with a growl. “I lost my best friend. I lost the guy I thought I had something with. And when that wasn’t bad enough, I realize that it’s not you, it’s me. You’re still talking to Zayn daily. Oh, I pretty much lost him for a while too. Leaving me with nothing.”

“But you had Niall,” Louis pleads. “Zee said you and Niall were…”

“Friends? Did he tell you we were just friends, and barely that because all I’ve been able to think about for the past four months is how I slowly lost everyone who meant everything to me?” Harry doesn’t need Louis to shake his head because he knows what the answer is. “Did he tell you how I haven’t been able to move on because I didn’t fucking know what I was moving on TO? Or FROM?”

“I was just so scared,” Louis looks pained to admit it and Harry feels a large portion of his anger dissolve. “So scared to lose you. Scared to tell you I’d met someone and I felt with him what I wanted to feel with you. What I SHOULD have felt with you. I was so fucking terrified and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it.”

“So you just ignored it,” Harry says with a whisper.

“Zayn thought you knew, that we’d been talking. He had no clue that you didn’t know I was coming back. That I was staying.”

“Why would you tell him?” Harry can’t help but ask. “You obviously knew I hadn’t said anything.”

Louis blinks back a few tears. “He found out when you … yesterday when you told me to have a nice flight back. I’d told him you knew that I was back for good and we’d just decided to take some time apart for a while. He just thought it was a techy breakup.”

“He was mad.” 

Louis’ laugh was bitter. “You can say that.”

The two of them leaving Liam alone in the apartment while Harry showered made much more sense now. Zayn wouldn’t call Louis out in front of Liam and of course they didn’t want Harry to know they were arguing.

“I had to come clean and tell him everything.” Their eyes meet and Louis gives a sad smile. “I don’t think he’s ever going to talk to me again.”

Harry shakes his head as he moves from his position on the chair to the couch beside Louis. “He’s more mad at himself than he is you,” Harry assures him. He feels a piece of his heart settle back into place as Louis turns to tuck himself against Harry’s side, pressing his face into Harry’s chest.

“And you,” Louis wails. “How will you ever forgive me? I mean, I was so horrible to you. I AM so horrible to you.”

“You really are,” Harry agrees. He leans in and forces Louis to look at him. “What were you afraid of?”

“Losing you.”

Harry gives a nod as he thinks about how to say what he’s thinking. “So you were afraid to tell me you’d met someone else because you didn’t want to lose me. So rather than talk to me, you…”

“I didn’t say it was a good plan.”

“It really was horrible.”

“Well it’s backfired in my face because everyone hates me now.”

He clucks his tongue and leans in to stroke Louis’ hair affectionately. “I’ve missed you, Lou.”

“God, I’ve missed you every day Hazza,” Louis admits. “I have a draft folder of emails to you. Texts that I wanted to send but didn’t. So many times that I’ve needed you.”

“I’ve been right here. This whole time.” Harry needs Louis to understand what his radio silence did to him. “Do you realize how much you hurt me?”

Louis admits that he has an idea. His own pain has been nothing compared to what he figures that Harry has been feeling, but it’s not been as easy for him as he’s lead people to believe. 

“I love you so much Louis. If you had have called, if you could have spoken to me you would have known that I understand how you’re feeling. How you just needed that time apart to really see what we couldn’t see so close to each other.”

“I know Haz.” Louis picks nervously at the blanket they’re wrapped up in. 

“It’s going to take some time but, I want you back in my life.”

“I need you,” Louis says softly.

“Lou,” Harry forces Louis to look at him. “Tell me what happened with Liam?”

Louis shakes his head.

“Please?”

Louis opens and shuts his mouth a few times. He can only offer a sad shrug. “He thinks that the reason I didn’t tell you about us is that I’m still in love with you.”

Harry waits patiently, he knows that can’t be it.

“And he thinks that maybe you’re still in love with me and. Well he said that maybe what we had was good in New York but now that we’re home…”

“Please tell me you told him that wasn’t true.”

“Of course I did, he just couldn’t understand how I could hurt someone like that. And that if I could, it was because I was trying to save you from hurting you more. And then he said that maybe he was my dirty secret and… well he thinks we need some time apart.”

“Oh Lou.” Harry holds Louis as he starts to cry again. 

“I want him to meet my mum Harry. And my sisters and the babies. I want us to move in and, god Harry, I’ve just ruined everything.”

“Well you know what we’re going to have to do right?”

Louis shakes his head as Harry leans in and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“Make it right. We’re gonna win him back for you Lou.”

It’s well after midnight before they decide that they’ve talked enough for one night. Harry suggests that Louis stay over rather than go home to an empty flat and think about everything they’ve just spent the entire night hashing over. He offers up Zayn’s room and lets Louis know that he’s just in his own room if he needs anything.

Harry devises a plan to help Louis and Liam find their way back to each other. While they were talking, Harry had texted Zayn to let him know that he and Louis were working everything out. Unbeknownst to Louis, Harry has set up a time for the three of them to get together, just them, to talk everything out together. For the first time in months, Harry feels like everything is how it should be. He’s texted Niall to let him know what is going on and to maybe make a date for the two of them in the coming week. 

There has been no movement from Zayn’s bedroom all morning and Harry knows that Louis probably got no sleep the night before, worrying about Zayn and Liam and Harry. He’s just finished making himself breakfast when he hears a knock on the door. Yet again he finds himself at a loss for words when he opens the door to find Liam standing before him, looking as wrecked as Louis had been the day before.

“I’m in love with him,” Liam blurts out before Harry can speak. “I don’t know what to do, and I’m sorry. I didn’t even know you didn’t know about us. And of course you’re going to hate me because I’m some slag who’s been shagging your boyfriend while he’s been away. And really it hasn’t been as much as you’ve been thinking, because really, I’m not a slag but of course you think I am because god… Did I say I’m sorry?”

“You did. Twice. Although I’m not sure why you’re sorry.”

“Because I’m in love with him and I thought he loved me but of course he doesn’t. Not when he has you here and now that he’s back.”

“Liam, please come in.” Harry leads Liam into the apartment and sits him down on the couch gently. He pours him what’s left of the pot of tea and hands it to him. With shaking hands, Harry watches Liam try to sip at the tea.

“I wasn’t going to fight you for him,” Liam starts. Harry can see him panicking and he reaches out to rest his hand on Liam’s shoulder affectionately. “But I’m sorry, but I can’t just let him go without a fight.”

Harry can’t help but laugh at how earnest Liam looks. How apologetic he is that he’s going to actually fight Harry for Louis. Now he feels even worse for being a dick to him the day before.

“You don’t have to fight me for him, Liam.” Harry watches a glimmer of something cross Liam’s eyes and he frowns.

“Because you don’t think that I have a chance. I’ll have you know…”

Harry cuts him off before he can continue. “Because he’s not in love with me. I’m not in love with him. We’re just friends Liam, you don’t have to fight me for him.”

Liam scoffs at his confession. Harry sighs.

“I’m serious Liam. It’s, it’s all fucked up. I’ll agree that, but this is just Louis’ way of taking care of everyone around him. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone, so he avoids any type of conflict.”

“That’s bollocks. So to avoid hurting everyone he…”

“Ends up hurting everyone,” Harry agrees with a shrug. “But his heart is in the right place. And honestly Liam, I don’t think any of us are hurting half as much as he is right now.” Their eyes meet and Harry can see how much Liam is hurting. 

“I love him,” Liam admits softly. “I think since the moment we met. He just has this way about him, and I thought that maybe we could make it work. Now, I’m not sure.”

“He loves you Liam,” Harry knows it’s not his place to say but he can’t let this lad go any further without knowing. “I know he loves you, I know this because he told me. And he’s so scared that he’s ruined it.”

“How? When did you talk?”

Sighing, Harry rubs his face with his hands. He nods towards Zayn’s bedroom. “He came by last night. Upset and crying. I’ve actually never seen him this upset about anything. I’ve got this whole plan for him to win you back. Proper romantic it is, but since you’re here,” Harry stands up and pulls Liam up off of the couch with him. He knocks softly on Zayn’s door. When he hears Louis’ voice call out inside, he opens the door and pushes Liam inside.

“Fix it Liam,” Harry calls as he shuts the door.

Liam and Louis still haven’t emerged from the bedroom when Harry gets dressed hours later. He’s called Niall and asked if they could get together, somewhere away from the bar so that they could talk. Harry suddenly needs him to understand everything. There is so much that he wants to say and for the first time in months, Harry is seeing everything clearly. More than he ever has.

When Niall walks into the café, Harry is waiting for him. He pulls the blonde into his arms and kisses him with every ounce of pent up emotion he has been repressing. It’s clear from the squeak that escapes Niall’s lips that he’s been caught off guard. Harry pulls back just slightly and whispers against Niall’s lips. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Niall’s fingers tangle in Harry’s curls and he pulls back enough so that he can rest their foreheads together. “Why are you sorry? What did you do?”

Harry shakes his head sadly. He’s bitten his lip between his teeth and he steps in so that they are pressed close to one another. “I didn’t realize…” his voice trails off as he pulls Niall in for another kiss. “Never even imagined that this was a possibility.”

The room lights up with the glow that comes from Niall’s smile at Harry’s words. They head to a corner table and Harry doesn’t hesitate to thread their fingers together as he leans in towards Niall.

“So what happened?” Niall asks shyly. “Everything’s okay?”

Harry takes a deep breath before he tells Niall about everything that has happened since he’d left the bar the other night. First he tells Niall about his conversation with Zayn and how much seeing Zayn hurt, hurt him. How he knew, in the moment that he’d seen Zayn’s heart shatter for him that he couldn’t hold anything against him. 

Telling Niall about his conversation with Louis was the hardest. He could see how wary the blonde was at the mention of Louis. How, despite Harry telling him that it wasn’t an issue of romantic love that had him so upset about everything, but potentially losing his best friend. Before Niall could focus too much on Louis, Harry admits that just this morning, Liam had shown up.

“Liam?” Niall raises an eyebrow. Harry blushes and smiles.

“Came over to fight me for Louis.” He grins at the loud bark of laughter that comes from Niall. “I’m serious, was right apologetic about it too. All ‘I’m sorry mate, but I’m going to fight you for Louis. I hope that’s okay.”

“What did you say?”

Harry laughed as he pressed a kiss to Niall’s jaw. “Told him that there was no fight, that Louis is in love with him. Was never a fight.”

“He bigger than you?”

Harry blushes at Niall’s insinuation. Finally, he shrugs. 

“Apparently he boxes in his spare time.” Niall bursts out into laughter. Harry kisses his mouth affectionately. “Besides, Lou’s not who I want. S’you. I want you.”

Their mouths meet in a gentle kiss that quickly turns passionate and hungry. Harry whimpers into Niall’s mouth as his jaw drops enough to allow the blonde’s tongue entrance. The kiss gains intensity until finally they have to pull away to breathe.

“So, what happened?” Niall whispers against Harry’s mouth.   
Harry grins. “I pushed Liam into Zee’s room where Lou was sleeping. Told him that even though I’d spent the night coming up with this big romantic plan to woo him back for Louis that he needed to go into that room and fix it.” He watches Niall’s eyebrows rise in silent question. Harry can’t help but shake his head and groan. “They must have, I hadn’t heard from or seen them since. Thankfully I gave Lou Zee’s room instead of mine because they’re going to shag all over that room and if anyone’s having sex in my room, it’s going to be me.”

It’s obvious that there is lingering tension. Niall, keeps looking at Harry like he’s about to call it all off, like he will admit that really he’s flattered but not interested. Harry doesn’t hesitate to pull Niall close and kiss him again. “I want you to come home with me.”

“Now?” Niall’s eyes widen and he grins. Harry can’t help but roll his eyes and swat at him playfully.

“Yes now, but not for that.” Niall gives him a disappointed frown and Harry laughs. “Okay, yes, for that too. But I want you to meet Lou. Zee will be back in a few days and when he is, I want us all to get together and meet properly. I want you to meet him when things are okay. And I need you to meet Louis and Liam. Which we can do now, so you can stop worrying.”

“I’m not worrying, Haz.” 

Neither buys his feeble claim but Harry plays along. “I know, but I’d still like you to meet Lou. Maybe see a side of him that hasn’t been affected by my bias.”

Niall makes a decision and stands up. “Let’s go do this. Now.” 

When they arrive back at Harry and Zayn’s flat it’s to Louis pinning Liam against the fridge as they’re both attached at the mouth. Both are only wearing their boxers and as Harry pulls Niall into the kitchen quietly, he wraps his arms around his waist.

“See, Niall,” Harry says loudly. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

He startles both Liam and Louis. Louis yelps as Liam bites down roughly on his tongue. They both spin around so fast that Louis nearly loses his footing and as Liam yelps, he struggles to cover himself.

Both Niall and Harry begin a slow clap which only embarrasses Liam and Louis further as they tumble to the floor together.

There is a moment of silence before everyone bursts into laughter. Harry gives Liam a helping hand up while Niall reaches for Louis. 

“I feel a little overdressed,” Niall admits as he looks Louis up and down before doing the same with Liam. “Shall I just strip down to me pants too?”

Harry gives an interested eye raise while Liam covers the blush on his face. “I’m all for you in your pants,” Harry says to Niall who bursts into laughter.

“We’re just gonna…” Louis laughs as he leads Liam into Zayn’s bedroom. They emerge moments later wearing clothes that Harry recognizes as belonging to him and Zayn. Harry and Niall are sitting on the couch, legs propped on the coffee table, tangled together, whispering back and forth.

“I’m Niall,” the blonde says as he untangles himself from Harry and stands up. He shakes Louis’ hand first, and then Liam’s.

“I’m Louis and this is my boyfriend Liam.” Louis introduces them. He turns to Harry and nods towards the kitchen. “Haz, can you help me in the kitchen please. I want to make some tea.”

No one calls attention to the fact that Louis is looking for a way to get Harry alone in the other room. When they’re out of earshot in the other room, Louis smiles and launches himself at Harry. “Thank you Haz. God knows I don’t deserve it, but thank you.”

When he’s able to pull himself out of his best friend’s embrace Harry nods and kisses his forehead affectionately. “You do deserve it, Lou. Did you work it out?”

Louis nods. “Yeah. We talked and…” He takes a deep breath and smiles. “It’s great. It’s going to be great. So you and Niall?”

It’s Harry’s turn to blush. He gives a short nod and looks fondly into the living room. “He’s been here this whole time and I didn’t even know.” Harry sees the way Louis’ face falls in regret and he feels a flush of affection pass over him. “Hey. No. Don’t do that.”

Louis tries to shrug off Harry’s concern but he won’t have it. He needs Louis to know that it’s all okay. Things were horrible, they sucked for a long time but now he’s back, they’ve worked everything out and it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.

“Louis? Look at me.”

Louis’s eyes meet Harry’s and they each take a deep breath.

“Are you in love with him?”

Louis nods.

“Do you love me?”

Louis gives another nod.

“You’re always going to be my best friend. There is nothing that is going to change that. Ever.” There is no hesitation as he pulls Louis into his arms. “I forgive you Lou. You need to forgive yourself.” He feels Louis nod into his chest and Harry can’t help but grin. 

“I hate to interrupt, but what the fuck?”

Harry turns to see Zayn standing in the entrance to the kitchen with a confused half smile on his face. His arms are crossed over his chest and Harry feels Louis stiffen in his arms.

“Zee, you’re back early.” Harry runs his arms up and down Louis’ back comfortingly. Zayn nods. 

“Figured if you all could get your shit together, no point in me staying away.”

It’s awkward between the three until they’re joined by Liam and Niall. “We pretended that it wasn’t awkward, just the two of us for a bit. Until it really wasn’t awkward,” Niall starts with a smile. “And now it’s awkward because you guys are all in here and we’re out there. And we were going to start a Fifa tourney but thought we would at least ask if anyone wants to play.”

Louis’ eyes widen and he grins. “He can stay.”

“We’re going to go in there, start the tournament,” Harry says. He makes his way across the kitchen and grabs Niall’s hand in his. “You two stay in here, talk until you’re ready to join us.”

Both Zayn and Louis nod.

“Payno, you’re with us,” Niall says, tugging on Liam’s arm.

Harry has been relegated to cheerleader while Liam and Niall are in the middle of an intense game by the time Louis and Zayn join them in the living room. Harry grins as he sees the sheer relief and happiness in both of his friends’ faces. He knows that they’ve worked out everything they hadn’t before Zayn had gone home. A short nod of Zayn’s head confirms his belief. Louis manoeuvers his way behind Liam with his legs around his waist, the two curled up together comfortably while Zayn curls up next to Harry.

Before he can help himself, Harry pulls Niall’s attention away from the screen in front of them. He tilts his head so that he can kiss Niall firmly on the mouth, licking deeply into his mouth. He vaguely hears Louis cheer and at first he thinks it’s for him and Niall but is proven wrong when the smaller lad grabs the controller from Niall’s hand and pushes them over so that he can make himself comfortable.

“Finally,” Louis crows. He starts a new game and gives Liam a menacing look. “Bring it on Payno. Gonna show everyone who’s the boss!” 

When Harry finally pulls away from Niall, he shifts them so that he’s pressed against Zayn’s side. He has Niall in his arms, Zayn tucked against him and Liam and Louis engaged in a very physical game of Fifa.

For the first time in months, Harry feels his life settle into place and the knot around his heart unfurls. He is happy. He is hopeful and he’s falling in love.


End file.
